Wednesday, September 2, 2009

- I Hope You Dance


The following letter came to me last night, and when I read it, I just wept. What a beautiful letter of kindness and encouragement; a lifeline thrown out to me in my hour of need.

Suzanne & her husband Brent are in charge of Missions in my home church - Westview Bible Church. Suzanne & I had met a few weeks ago to discuss my recent plans of going into missions full-time....she was so excited for me & was planning a send-off at the church for me when I got the news about my cancer.

Even though we hardly know each other, I think Suzanne was more devastated than I was with the news. Since then, she also has been emailing me on a regular basis, offering her love, encouragement and support, just as so many of you have also done.

I've asked Suzanne's permission to share this letter, and she's agreed:

"I hope you know by now that I think you are spectacular and I love you. I would do anything for you. But I just wanted to make sure you also know that this comes from Westview as a whole. If there is anything 'we' can do, let 'me' know. You ARE one of our missionaries, and we want to support you regardless of which battle you are currently fighting and where you are fighting from.


My sister-in-law's daycare is literally two blocks down Cote St Catherine from the Jewish, and since it seems you will be spending some time there on and off, I can very easily come join you! We can chat and pray and plan . . . hey, don't they even have a Second Cup inside the hospital?! :o)

Stay true to what you know is good, even though darkness tries to blot it out and destroy. I see you shedding layers, and what will be left is goodness. Then you will be ready.

For some reason I literally see a lotus in bloom when I think of you. Isn't it amazing, something so horrid is happening and God thinks of you as a beautiful flower, but not just a beautiful flower who stands to attention and brings smiles to peoples faces, but one in BLOOM!

Something is happening. Changing. I wonder if flowers are always ready for Spring or if it catches them off guard sometimes. The results are always stunning regardless.


We should hang out more, I think you are so freaking cool.

"The lotus flower appeared in legends originating from ancient Egypt. It played an important part in ancient Egyptian religion. The pure white lotus flower, the only plant to fruit and flower simultaneously, emerges from the depths of the muddy swamp. Growing from the mud at the bottom of ponds and streams, the exquisite Lotus flower rises above the water and is usually white or pink with 15 or more oval, spreading petals, and a peculiar, flat seedcase at its center."

I was wondering at God, "why a Lotus?", and so I thought I'd look into it. This was the very first thing I read on Lotus flowers. You are a white one, by the way. And perhaps not quite through the mud yet. But what a glorious day when you will be! :o)

Also, how funny is God! ". . . and a peculiar, flat seedcase." I am sure you are the only one He would tease at a time like this. You and your peculiar flat seedcase.

Love, Suzanne"

Wow!

Ironically, through this period of illness, God has been making me SO aware of His healing in my life in regards to relationships and my ability to connect on a deep level with other people.

I have always been able to connect well with people socially, or when singing & entertaining, or whatever. But throughout my life, I have always felt like a person stuck on the outside of the store, looking in through the window longingly at the close relationships of others . . . brothers & sisters, childhood friends, best friends, etc. And I've almost always felt myself standing alone.

I've seen the relationships others enjoy so much, and I've watched them, somewhat enviously, and wondered how on earth I could incorporate a few close relationships into my own life, but it's like I could never quite access them for myself. Either I felt a resistance within me, a wall of fear that kept me from connecting with others on a deep level, or I felt a rejection from them towards me. It bugged the crap out of me and I could never quite get my head around it.

But in just the past month or two, something truly remarkable has been happening. For example, two friends from my childhood who had virtually disappeared from my relational landscape have suddenly reappeared (through the amazing power of Facebook!), blessing and enriching my life immeasurably. One was my best friend from when I was 6 - I had not seen her since 1966 - and the other was a great buddy who I hung out with from 1970 to 1973 - we just met up again two weeks ago for the first time since the 70s!

The timing has been amazing - so healing, so affirming, so God. I have sensed His Presence through these and so many other relationships, through so many people like yourselves, as you have gathered around me and sent me your strength . . . and I have been strengthened.

In my heart, I am in awe of God, and I am profoundly grateful. For this reason, you are seeing a depth of strength and a vitality in my spirit that is coming from somewhere outside myself.

Yes, it is true that I am making choices to rejoice rather than to mourn; to look for the humor in every situation, rather than to wallow and feel sorry for myself; to surround myself with uplifting, happy people rather than with angry, negative people . . . and yet at the same time, I believe the powerful Presence of my Heavenly Father is also permeating my life, making Himself real to me and making this whole experience an easy walk rather than a tortured one.

Someone said the other day, and I love this: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." The speaker pointed out that it's a shadow that sometimes brings on the fear of evil - not death itself but a shadow of death that can scare us.

But a shadow is just that - a shadow. We can be brave because sometimes the threats in our lives are no more than shadows . . . mere shadows!

And in a worst case scenario, if it turns out to be more than just a shadow, that same Presence of God is still with us to comfort and guide us and lead us throughout.

There is so much in this life that can knock the stuffing out of us . . . can rob us of our joy . . . can eclipse the sense of wonder we can still feel.

We can allow ourselves to give in to the enormous feelings of sadness accompanying those experiences, or we can choose to see the joy and the blessings that are intermingled right there with our pain.

So for you, friends and fellow pilgrims, I hope you choose the joy! I hope you choose to laugh! And I hope you dance.




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